Matrimonal ads Version

Matrimonial ads version

These are Girls profiles taken from a matrimonial website.Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a Profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail... Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya, I am single I don't have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but I working all field in bangalore .. If u like me u welcome to my heart... When ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks Yours Regards Sowmya ~*~ (Truly yours)
I want very simple boy. From Brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Wut Homework?) I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life.I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than I. Because I love myself a lot.If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! Â (The dilwale dulhaniya effect) I am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow I am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites) I want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)Hye i am a good loking girl, who has the capability to make any body to lough.I believe in god and according to me friends are the real messenger of god. The 3 things i am looking from a boy they are 1. They must believe in god. 2. They have to like my proffesion 3. They should not get bored with me when i will try to make them lough. (all of us are loughing {laughing}) Whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is too like this he would be called the man of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?I love my patner I marriage the patner ok I search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")I am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?) ( Confused ????? )My name is farhanbegum and I am unmarried. Pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! J )Iam kanandevi. I do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments) (Plz ? For gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence)Hello I am a good charactarised woman.I want to run my life happily. I divorced my first husband. His character is not good'. I expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there anything like that.)I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. I like social service. (Zebra..???) (Gosh!!!!!!! ! She knows her heart color)
I am sure u lost your grammer.

21 century

21st Century....
We are becoming lesser by the day.
Our communication - Wireless.
Our dress - Topless.
Our telephone - Cordless.
Our cooking - Fireless.
Our youth - Jobless.
Our food - Fatless.
Our labour - Effortless.
Our conduct - Worthless.
Our relation - Loveless.
Our attitude - Careless.
Our feelings - Heartless.
Our politics - Shameless.
Our education - Valueless.
Our follies - Countless.
Our arguments - Baseless.
Our Job - Thankless.
Our Salary - Very Very less.
Our emails - useless.

Newspaper Add when it goes wrong

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM. "WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him. THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit.

jokes

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal! to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?.
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!.
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 . Procrastinate Now!.
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?.
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!.
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.